ARTICLES - COACHING

Essentials for Executives to Succeed

The critical principles for improved performance in your two businesses

The Question

What are the important people in your two businesses saying (behind your back) about you? 

At work, maybe many very positive things.  But you know you can’t become complacent, you must continue to listen to what your business associates want/need and take action on meeting their needs so they will meet your needs. 

At Home, maybe good things, BUT MAYBE SOME CRITICAL IMPROVEMENTS ARE NEEDED.  Do you really know what everyone needs/wants?  Are there any signs of distress (i.e. more arguments, pulling away, tension, frequent minor conflicts)?  Are you listening to the signals from family members as carefully as you listen to the signals of problems at work?  Do family members need you differently than they did in the past?  Have you changed with the changing needs?  Do others really agree with your perception of the home situation?  Do family members understand the unique pressures you deal with, and how you may need them differently than you did in the past?

Studies show substantial stress and strain on marriages and family dynamics for successful business executives AND THEIR FAMILY MEMBERS.

You often know what you want for your business (and employees) but the fact is most executives do not put the same energy and planning into the BUSINESS OF THE FAMILY.  As a result many FAIL (divorces or frustrating marriages and multiple conflicts with children or other significant problems).

What research studies show about executives is that they don’t know as much about the REAL needs of their spouse, their children, relatives etc. as they do about their business employees and job responsibilities. How do these factors affect your being successful in your life?  If you don’t think they do, you are already likely to be in trouble.

It has been said that; you have lost everything if being great at one thing means you have failed at another. What are the most important things in your life?  Maybe you need to evaluate where you put most of your time and energy. Balance is difficult, not only for the executive but also for the family members who live with the executive’s unique stress and pressures.  Do you (in your family) even understand each other?  Most studies show you don’t. Possibly you need to provide more time for your family, and they need to provide more time (and attention) for you.

What is important to you?  Is it true for you, like many others, that you don’t feel your successful executive spouse understands what you (the family member) need?  Is it important that the success at work really consumes an executive to the point of not having much left to give to the family?  We think we are giving a lot.  But when marriages start to fail and children become dissatisfied or problematic the signs of the business failure are first noticed.  You don’t run your work life this way.  You do not wait for things to fall apart in your business, you attack the market needs aggressively to stay on top of the essential demands of your workforce and customers. Why not do this for the business of your family?

The overwhelming majority of executives feel alone, not understood, and often empty in their family life, BUT DO NOT ADMIT THEY NEED HELP.  The spouses feel uninvolved and left out of much of their loved one’s life.  They feel the pain of the not being connected and the loss of what you once had with the other person.   

THE ANSWER:

WHAT IS NEEDED?  

  1. Talking.  But we talk, some say.  But, are you heard, or are you listening to others in the family?
  1. Take time for each other.  Take a trip together with your spouse, and/or family on a regular basis.  Get away from the routines and daily hassles.
  1. Be affectionate.  Are you feeling like you want to show affection?  If not, maybe you are already in trouble.
  1. Plan to be involved in what other family members find important to them.
  1. Appreciate.  Show that you know and appreciate the many things others do for you and each other.  There is less acknowledgement of routine (but time consuming and often difficult) tasks others have had to do.  You recognize people at work for their accomplishments; do the same (sometimes with rewards) for your family members.
  2. Do you understand how difficult it can sometimes be to live with a successful executive?  Ask your wife or children what is important to them.  Show genuine interest.
  1. Do others (in your family) recognize you for your hard work and achievements?  Often the intense and frustrating world of the driven executive feels like being on an isolated island where no one understands what you have to go through each day.  Don’t feel that it is useless to explain to the family your struggles.  It helps them to know, even if they don’t understand everything.  They, at least will feel a part of your life.  This is critical.
  1. DO NOT TAKE YOUR SPOUSE OR FAMILY MMBERS FOR GRANTED!  You will be the one who loses if you are distancing from the ones you love.
  1. BE REALISTIC.  You can’t mend wounds or cure problems overnight.  Be consistent and committed to the process of understanding, healing and developing a positive, strong, executive family environment.
  1. Seek out an Executive Spouse or Family Coach.  Just as you need others to provide information and direction when making your complicated business decisions you need coaching to prevent old habits from blocking your efforts, or triggering old problematic issues.  Let a coach help you help yourself.  Let they hold you accountable and stay on task.  Let the coach help you to learn how to effectively confront your own (or your spouses) style of delivery, irritating comments, or lack of affection, etc. 
  1. Make the goals clear and measurable for each other.  It is important that you work on concerns (or fears) that will actually make a difference.  It is not just what we think will work, it is what we have been told (by the other person) will work.

Success is dependent on what you are measuring.  What are you measuring? It is essential to keep perspective and balance in your life.  Are you doing this as well as you could? COACHING CAN REALLY HELP IMPROVE YOUR PERFORMANCE.  MAKE IT WORK FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS.

PLEASE WORK ON YOUR TWO IMPORTANT BUSINESSES.  The work business and the business of the family

SUCCESS IS IN YOUR HANDS,  BUT CONSISTENT EFFORT IN BOTH BUSINESSES IS NECESSARY TO FEEL COMPLETE AND ENJOY THE HEALTHY BENEFITS OF REAL (NOT ILLUSIONARY) SUCCESS.