Psychology for Business
eNewsletter
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We are dedicated to bringing out
the best in you and your employees
Vol.2, No. 10
May 18, 2001
www.psychologyforbusiness.com
YOU CAN DEPEND ON
ME
By
Paul Kenneth Glass, Ph.D. Business Psychologist and Independent Consultant
In
this e-newsletter you will learn
v
What a dependent
worker is.
v What
are the dangers of this personality style in the
work setting?
v How
to determine who the dependent workers
are in your company.
v What
to do to avoid creating a dangerous reaction
from a dependent worker.
v How
to enjoy and encourage a reasonable balance in
dependent workers.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Analogy of the
Helpful Boy
Once there was a small
boy who was loved by everyone. He
was polite, kind, thoughtful and always willing to help anyone with any thing
they wanted done.
One morning the boy
noticed that his neighbor, who owned a dog, was upset with his dog.
The man was yelling at his dog because the dog was hungry and barking at
the man to feed him.
The young boy went over
and asked the man if he could help. The man explained that the dog needed to be
fed and he did not have the time to feed him because he had to get to work.
The boy said he would feed the dog.
The man was pleased and said the boy could come over any morning and feed
the dog. The boy felt very good about helping his neighbor.
As time passed the boy
went over more and more to help the man by feeding the dog.
Because both the man and the dog seemed so happy with his coming over, he
made it his daily job to feed the dog.
As months went by the
man became so accustom to having the boy come over and feeding the dog that he
would get up and go to work without even waiting to see if the boy was coming to
feed his dog. The little boy began
to wonder if the man even appreciated his help. But because the boy was not wanting to let the dog go without
being fed he never stopped coming to the man’s house and feeding the dog.
One day, the boy’s
mother asked him if he would help her deliver some food to his grandmother.
Because the mother had to go to work she said that they would have to leave very
early in the morning so she could have enough time to go to work. She also
informed the boy that he would have to stay with his grandmother until she would
be done with her workday.
The boy was so pleased
that his mother wanted him to help her, as well as be able to help his
grandmother all day, that he readily agreed to go with her.
Shortly after leaving
his home the small boy remembered that he would always feed the neighbor’s dog
and did not want to disappoint the man and take a chance that the dog would go
unfed.
He explained the dilemma
to his mother. She reminded her
young son that he was just helping the man out but it was really the man’s
responsibility to feed his own dog. She
went on to tell her son that the man would not expect him to be there everyday
because he never arranged this to be his responsibility and was not paying him
to do the feeding. She said that
the man surely would be appreciative and not mind feeding the dog himself this
time. This made the boy happy.
It was great to be able to please everyone.
That night there was a
knock at the door. It was the
neighbor man. The man started to
yell at the boy for being so irresponsible for not feeding his dog. The boy was shocked that the man could yell at him after all
the months of helping him without asking for any thing back.
But the young boy
quickly came to the conclusion that the man was right, he should have fed the
dog before he left with his mother. He
apologized and asked the man to forgive him for being so thoughtless.
The angry man calmed down and reminded the boy that he depended on him to
feed the dog so he could get to work on time.
The small boy agreed to not let this happen again.
Why did the boy continue
to help this man? Why would he have
apologized? How did the
responsibility get shifted to the boy? What will eventually happen to this
relationship?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The dependent worker
(like the young boy) is a loved worker. The
dependent worker not only does his/her own work but other people’s jobs too.
Why? He/she needs approval
and acceptance from others and doesn’t know how else to get it.
This kind of employee de-emphasizes their needs and desires and defers to
everyone else’s needs. They
become the company’s servant. Other
workers like them. Do other workers respect them? Do others use them?
Do others depend on them? What
happens when they can’t (because they are helping everyone else) do the extra
things you wanted them to do for you?
This dependent worker is
constantly faced with ever-increasingly greater expectations from others and for
themselves. Because they ask for nothing back (but expect approval), they
progressively feel devalued and eventually may be unable to refrain from
expressing anger. It may not show
up in clear or obvious ways but it will show up.
This, of course, can lead to enormous problems, possibly the dependent
worker “getting back at” a co-worker or company (passive aggression) for not
showing appreciation (despite protesting that they do not want or need
acknowledgement).
What would prevent a
dependent worker (who can be very valuable) from getting angry, frustrated and
resentful?
Generally, employees who
are characterized as dependent workers need to receive the approval they
desperately crave. Managers who
ignore this need will find themselves “using” this worker until the worker
leaves or gets back at them. You
must give them the respect they will not request.
They will play down any accolades and actually be embarrassed;
nevertheless, they must get the positive attention and the “thank you” that
they deserve. They are the loyal
employees who will remain positive, helpful and dedicated to managers,
co-workers and the organization, if they are treated well.
Like the young boy in
the story above, he will keep helping (loving to do it) as long as he doesn’t
feel used. The essence of the dependent worker is their constantly striving to
get positive attention in order to feel valued or feel good about themselves.
Watch for the following
characteristics of the dependent worker.
v
Always willing
to help others
v
Frequently leaving
“their” work for last and putting other worker’s projects first
v
Always demeaning
or “playing down” anything they offer
v
Embarrassment
over their own achievements
v
Share credit freely
with others (or verbalize no desire for credit)
v
Tendency to actually
train others to take advantage of them both knowingly and unknowingly by
claiming not to need anything in return for helping another
v
Often they stay
late and arrive early if it might mean they will be liked more by someone
In order to prevent
offending or losing this employee you must do the following:
v
Pay clear attention
to the extra help they provide to you or anyone else and acknowledge it despite
their protest of not needing the “thanks”
v
Constantly check
yourself from unintentionally ”using” this worker like the man who
used the boy in the story above
v
Remember to not
get angry if they can’t help (staying mindful of their tendency to be
offering to help many others too)
v
If you are managing them, discourage
their excessive assumption of other’s responsibilities
v
Watch for burnout
(it is extremely common in this type of worker). Demand that they occasionally
get relief or help too (offer time off or offer a small token of appreciation
like a thank you note, flowers, or just showing attention by putting a little
piece of candy on their desk)
Note that these
individuals often do not make the best managers. Their tendency to want everyone to like them makes it
extremely difficult for them to make some of the critical or necessary but
unpopular decisions that businesses require.
They can and will be your hardest workers and the cheerleader when you
need support (as long as you show appreciation).
As in the story of the
little boy feeding the dog for the neighbor, you get the happy “giver” if
you don’t take them for granted and offer the acknowledgement they so
desperately need. To allow the
dependent worker to do more than is required of them is a need of theirs you
must accept. It is a defining
characteristic that is important to them. Just do not let it become excessive.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
It is important to
remember that if you are the dependent worker, and you begin to feel angry with
others about using you; you may benefit from some soul searching as to the
reasons why your need for approval is so strong. Search for productive ways to get the positive attention and
challenge yourself to be more assertive (you will actually be more respected by
others and yourself) Ask for help if you need it and do not let the hours at
work become extreme. The mental and
emotional damage from exhaustion and repressed anger is well documented.
Ultimately everyone in your life will suffer if you do not understand
yourself and maintain a degree of balance.
Coaching may actually be the only way you will generate the confidence
and sustain the focus necessary for healthy change.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Thank you for reading
this e-article. If you are
interested in coaching or employee assessments to determine how to improve
efficiency and effectiveness of your employees or yourself, contact me for a
brief consult to review possible interventions in human factors engineering that
have been scientifically proven to be effective.
About the Author
Paul Kenneth Glass, Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist with over 25 years of
experience providing consultative services to individuals and organizations. The
provision of structured, practical, and effective
solutions has contributed to his respect as an engineer of measurable and
profitable changes.
Based in Waukesha, WI, Dr. Paul Glass is available for consultation or coaching
by phone, e-mail or in person. He may be reached at (262) 544-9918 (office)
by e-mail at pglass@psychologyforbusiness.com or:
Paul Glass, Ph.D.
Psychology for Business
2717 North Grandview Boulevard, Suite 303
Waukesha, Wisconsin, 53188
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ASSESSMENTS as a component of your executive hiring process? See our
article at www.laborlogic.com..
It is the feature article on the hiring and executive search page. Call us for
more information at (262) 544-9918.
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(c) Copyright 2001. All rights reserved. Paul Kenneth Glass. Distribution
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